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Contrary to a certain lyric, I would never be anyone's man :)

lyrics

They said it’s not you but it’s them but they’re who you want
just wanna scream and cry
Hurts so much to know it’s no one’s fault
And now I want to hold her close - she saw the pain was in disguise
And her questions pierced my soul - I wanna know her scars

She said she would hurt me deep
But she can make me bleed I just want to feel her soul
It’s not about pain or experience
But the way that you respond is who you are

We could never know the pain
that we see in another eyes
Girl please don’t push me away
I just want to understand
Simple narratives ain’t right
you’re exponentially more than that
I’m not here to make you change

Slice my wrists and take my blood, emotionally abuse me
Take a chance and girl I’d be your girl or man

But I swear I know it’s wrong, cause you’re just trying to grow
I’m trying to do the same
But you’ve sunk in your teeth and hit a vein
Feel like it’s out of my control - I test the waters yet again
But even in a bad place in your soul there was no one to blame

Timing’s a thing we just cannot control
Even if from darkness some things you said were true
Pushing my luck just to know you in full
You said it time and time again - it could not be

Back to the loneliness I’ve known
but this time the fault is all my own
Seems I made you push me away
For an inability to change
No Hollywood affair
Cause I may never see her again
Feelings they got in the way

Torn inside cause this dumb heart of mine; a self fulfilling pattern
Left here in self-loathing misery

Don’t you throw your love away
Learn from it and find a way
You can’t love and own someone
Possessive shit’s a loaded gun

An expectation’s made by hope
Be mindful of your thoughts and what’s at core
Love can be a selfish thing
So think of who you’re really doing it for
Partners, friends or something else
All just ways to try to box it in
Don’t you change for someone else
You should grow and do it for yourself

Never blame another for
Problems in your head that you’ve ignored
Attachment in toxic form
Feel it when she finally cuts the cord
Emotionally abused before
Anxiety can cut into my core
Trust that feeling, trust in her
Acceptance is the way to heal the hurt

Am I just lying to myself?
Can we just be friends?
I say fuck it what’s the worry

Sometimes sitting through abuse
Cause it’s been part of our love before
And it’s so fucking hard to change
Hold so tight but need to let it go
To truly free ourselves
Having feelings don’t make her right for you
True - still chokes me up to say

Guess we’re better off this way
(We) were never meant to be together
But your cold gaze still fucks me up every time

credits

from Last Dance, released March 2, 2023

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Balkanist Discourse Chicago, Illinois

Yo! I'm Hera Jackson - Trans (she/her), queer, making fried and unique music influenced by a variety of styles.

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