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Organic Cigarettes

by Balkanist Discourse

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1.
Khajiit 03:13
I’ve got this feeling within my soul And when it’s here I can’t get away Just feeling love as it’s taking hold So no more sadness, we’ve found the way Katze, khajiit, katze katze khajiit Katze, khajiit, katze katze khajiit Katze, khajiit, katze katze khajiit Katze, khajiit, katze katze khajiit When I see my furry friend I feel it coming on again Darkness that just cannot win Not giving into other trends Sweet khajiit you warm my soul You make me smile til I feel whole You’re mischievous, got that look, oh Katze, khajiit, katze katze khajiit Katze, khajiit, katze katze khajiit And for this love solidarity shown Yo soy khajiit da y somos khajiit Anytime I’m feeling stressed You’re always there to make it less Running all around this place You bring that smile back to my face Sweet khajiit please stay a while Please stay with me through every trial You’re curious, got that soul, oh Katze, khajiit, katze katze khajiit Katze, khajiit, katze katze khajiit Deep in my soul there’s a path full of haze When you’re with me I can get through the maze Keep me distracted, away from that phone Volim khajiit da volimo khajiit And for this love solidarity shown Ja sam khajiit da i mi smo khajiit And when I feel Insecure So unsure of myself Think of those eyes And when that feeling returns to me I get so high sometimes blind to see Problems existing (they go away( Cause when she’s here, life is here to stay Deep in my soul there’s a path full of haze When you’re with me I can get through the maze Katze, khajiit, katze katze khajiit Volim khajiit da volimo khajiit Fuck that depression the cat’s here to stay Sweet sweet khajiit she will find a new way Katze, khajiit, katze katze khajiit Volim khajiit da volimo khajiit Oh my khajiit, volim te, khajiit Oh my sweet khajiit, damn that cat is sweet
2.
Mid Winter 04:53
Winter snow, melts to rain And with that I hope, goes all pain If broken, come fix me You’ve spoken, convinced me That your smile, invokes There’s no fear, just life To feel so free, nothing left to say, only hear, these vibes And I, I feel alright, I feel so fine And I ain’t smoke, just feel so high Cause none can break your soul, no way, you’re whole life takes its toll love fills that hole You are free and real, don’t fake feelings all your dealings, always healing I’m moving, and someday, I’ll get there Soon in time, I’ll be there Time to go, against that grain And with that I know, life is gained You’re smoking, to feel numb But fuck that, it’s all done Your time, is not gone Smile and cheer, to live Without a fear, everybody knows, you’ll be there, in time And I, I feel alright, I feel so fine And I ain’t smoke, just feel so high Cause none can break your soul, no way, you’re whole life takes its toll love fills that hole You are free and real, don’t fake feelings all your dealings, always healing I’m moving, and someday, I’ll get there Soon in time, we’ll be there
3.
Well she’s walking down the street, Smoking on a spliff She doesn’t miss a beat, She’s hitting every riff She’s canvasing for peace Sometimes doesn’t give a shit, She’s trying to find another high, While she takes another hit Well, she’s walking down the street, Smoking on a joint She doesn’t miss a beat, Everything is on point She’s trying to find a lease, Trying to save a little bit, Waistband in a pint, Trying to get a little lit Well she’s walking down the street, Smoking on a joint, She doesn’t miss a bit, All her shit is on point, She’s trying to find a job Show me that girl from me dreams I want to hear Prayers, that girl’s strong, has no seams Orthodox fear Back across the bridge Where that man he was a shot It was 100 years ago But now she’s standing on the spot She’s lighting up a cig She’s back at the bazaar Flash a smile at the tourist Cause he’s looking so bizarre He’s trying to find himself Hates his 9 to 5 But neither care for wealth Just trying to find what feels right Looks sharply in her face Too much power in her eyes He slows up his pace Gets caught between her thighs She’s so much more than that But the truth is so is he Both just want some love Yeah just wanna live free A diplomat at heart Not looking for a scheme Unsure where to start And they’re running out of steam When push it comes to shove They fade into their dreams Bring me that place from my dreams I want to hear Life, colors musical scenes Sarajevo … rose, in the sunlight it gleams Reflects past tortured scenes, Reminisce on old themes Once together They’re getting it together Cause questions were a raised Just gotta schedule it all out And get out of that haze A city full of love In a world full of hate They look up above Cause indifference never saves It’s the same in every place Contextually different In the end it’s one race And they help each other with it Soul seeping all through the air Scent of rain feels so bare Reminisce on old themes Once together
4.
Seasons 05:39
Break down your barriers Let me in to your love to your life Just to understand life and these feelings in my heart and How could this happen to me, I’m in shambles, I’ve been broken, stead of freed Feeling so low now that I wanna die Overthinking everything I swear I’ll lost my fuckin’ mind Only one way to calm it down Cause life is hard my mind’s on fire but in the end there’s only time Want to break free now of this prison cell Technology anxiety they drag us down to our own hell Don’t you let no one tell you how to feel Let’s love, let’s love, oh woah oh oh Let’s get together and let’s stay together Sometimes need someone to show that we’re somebody Cause everyone’s fucked in some way nothing matters so go live today do it in your own manner but Don’t let nobody tell you who to be Truth there in the end is that we’re all the same We’re going through our problems through depressions and the deepest pain To move us to a place where we can validate All in our heads, our ideologies and beliefs we state End of the day, it’s only we that do it for ourselves It’s all within your hearts and minds so put your problems on the shelf Don’t let nobody tell you how to feel Let’s love, let’s love, oh woah oh oh Let’s get together and let’s stay together Sometimes need someone to show that we’re somebody Cause everyone’s fucked in some way nothing matters so go live today do it in your own manner but Don’t let nobody tell you who to be Let’s love, let’s love, oh woah oh oh Let’s get together and let’s stay together Sometimes need someone to show that we’re somebody Take your chance to be free
5.
SubPlots 05:12
Not long that that girl she did show me Love that I’ve never known before Now that it’s over, this chip on my shoulder No time to waste got to go Maybe we’ll find that this separate is better Too many differences no more No pressure there cause we both should be happy Time to move on Don’t hide away from it all, be yourself and just Find your own way even if just for your health Was I just blessed to have been in your presence or Were you just lucky for mine? Sometimes depressed but know that’s just at present and Everything is better with time Sit here alone and I try to be present Mind drifts away to my dreams Deep in my eyes there’s that fear all familiar Best use our minds for us to glean Somewhere in there, there is passion to fiend for Remember yourself for your best Somehwere in time, there’s desire to lean on That’s what life’s for just to: Open your dreams to the world, fuck it all Burn your bridges in time but still answer your call Feeling so blessed to have lived through these moments, Ecstatic to be here today Life feels the best when we find the components to Drive yourself away from a haze Put down that phone your computer’s inside your head Try not to moan cause your future is straight ahead Dig deep inside yourself fuck that material wealth Gratification’s your own confirmation Feeling so blessed to have lived through these moments, Ecstatic to be here today Life feels the best when we find the components to Drive yourself away from a haze
6.
Feels 04:26
Nice to know the feeling’s still there Cause for a moment, we both felt so bare Cause you were real and we broke ourselves down Sitting in tears, we needed each other around How could I have truly known If it was real or a charade convincingly shown Infatuation had me swearing it’s deeper than that Anticipation had me worried that it would go bad Feeling at home but there’s nothing to say Feeling alone through the night and the day I caught a sense of nostalgia today I got the feels and they won’t go away Now feeling so vulnerable But I don’t care, I’ll just take another pull But even if sober, there’s not sense feeling down I’ll just start over, cause the feels would bring me to drown Everyone wearing a face that’s for show And it’s so hard to tell if it’s them that you know Cause our eyes tell a story that words cannot hold But our lives don’t betray our own truths yet untold Felt so free now today but I’m homesick at home, ahh Feeling at home but there’s nothing to say Feeling alone through the night and the day I caught a sense of nostalgia today I got the feels and they won’t go away
7.
Her 04:32
What is my life, I’m drunk in the park? I said shit would change before it gets dark. I’m stuck deep within I’m here in a hole, I said I would change before I get old All my pain has left its mark Music’s light but feelings dark Like why can’t I just feel the same Instead I’m stuck in a world where my thoughts are Stuck within a cage of what has been expected I’m turning to a page where hope won’t be affected Will I still love myself if I just play the part Or social suicide to empty out my heart They say those things about your body All those thoughts when feeling naughty It’s not to say don’t think they’re true, But in my eyes much more to you than just the Shape of your body and your ass Been through your mind know it goes fast You’re so much more than they’ll ever know But they only care about what’s for show Deep within your eyes a world of endless color I want you as a friend and not just as a lover The string inside my mind you pluck them without bluffin The melodies inside you write them like they’re nothing Still in the park, i’m blacking out now Drawing a blank on why I was down Trying to break free of mentality Go to the music, fuck us all up She’s vaping on a juul I’m running through her crosshairs I stumbled cross her mind into a world with no snares I find myself emboldened by her vibrant stare I guess it’s time to change for myself and those who care Social norms to make us care About their looks, those dirty stares And as the judgment slowly fades We decide how to live how we want to So here she comes a running here to fuck your mothers To fuck your fathers too, your sisters and your brothers But we’re not talking sex she’s gonna re-arrange you She’s trying to help us out she sensed we need a change too
8.
Indecision which message to sell and with conviction, feel stuck in this hell Behind which face shall I hide my shit, which stock image now will I fit Read your star signs and blame the sun, there’s one thousand ways to hide who we have become Talk like this, show it off like this, gratify me through shallowness Here’s my body, my shell is yours, all just veins and muscles here to distort Narcissistically waiting around for gratification of others who don’t care but they just Wanna use you, wanna use you, cause you’re acting the Same as them when you’re trying to scheme, all for show, just for you to feel part of it all now but in the end Nothing is real, it’s all a game, so fuck it all Time has spoken for now undone But I’m not broken, just feeling stunned Still have hope somewhere far above But I’m not broken just want some love Narcissistically waiting around for gratification of others who don’t care but they just Wanna use you, wanna use you, cause you’re acting the Same as them when you’re trying to scheme, all for show, just for you to feel part of it all now but in the end Nothing is real, it’s all a game, so fuck it all

about

Organic Cigarettes is my second album and contains a set of tracks I wrote leading up to and during my tenure as a grad student at IU. Like Melancholy Love (my first album), the project draws from a wide range of influences, providing a meaningful and gratifying musical experience. I hope you enjoy!

Huge thanks to all of the individuals involved in both the making of this project and also the creative atmosphere and community that shaped my time in Bloomington.

For whatever reason, the Swing file is shortened. You can find the full version here:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=rQipn8JdNdc

credits

released May 22, 2019

All instruments performed by yours truly: drums and aux percussion, bass, acoustic and electric guitars, bouzouki, vocals

PLUS: Will Barnard on saxophone for "Swing"

Mixing: Nathan Roseboom
Mastering: Sam Ramirez

James Oakland and I stumbled upon this album title back in late 2018.

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Balkanist Discourse Chicago, Illinois

Yo! I'm Hera Jackson - Trans (she/her), queer, making fried and unique music influenced by a variety of styles.

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